The Relationship of One

You grow up thinking that one day you will marry; you’ll find the one and create a happy family together.

Then you grow up. You’re in your mid 40s. You haven’t met the one. You aren’t married. And you haven’t created a family.

What the f%&*!

Seriously though, what the actual f%&*!

No husband!

How the hell is this my life?

Now I have no desire to get married for the sake of getting married. I want love. Deep, yearning, passionate, best friend, loyal, supportive, I got your back kind of love. Where is that man please? Somebody point me in his direction. I’ve been patient and I think I’ve waited long enough.

On reflection though there are some benefits to this state of husbandlessness.

I know I can look after myself. I’ve created my own financial stability and independence. And after years of being single, I know myself, really truly deeply know myself. And I have found that on wading through and transmuting mountains of self doubt and unworthiness, I like me. This has come as kind of a surprise really because for a long time I didn’t think anybody did. Like me that is. Why would they – I couldn’t even find a husband.

In my relationship of one there is equality. My shadow is balanced by my light. My fears balanced by my fierceness. In my relationship of one there is joy and happiness because I look around at the life I have created and it is glorious.

And I am thankful.

December 2017

Image credit: Kym Harrison